The Life of Suzaku: Seishi
by FlonTed
Summary: Suzaku was sick and tired of choosing Seishi. He chooses them once and for all! A story full of gods. on hiatus.
1. Suzaku's life

Disclaimer: I'm not Miss Watase! Fy do not belong to me!

I figured that since there is one about Seiryu, it is not fair if Suzaku does not have one either! I also wanted to do a humour fic anyway.

Song: Break of Dawn by Michael Jackson

Being Suzaku sucks, I can tell you. I do not like being a damned god of love. Yeah, it's great pairing up people together. Yeah, it's great to make people cry. Yeah, it's great to be mentioned in wedding ceremonies. But it still sucks, because it's time. And when that Time comes, I get unhappy. Seiryu was as bad as I was.

One, I am to choose Seishi. Two, I have to choose a Miko. Three, I have to look at Taisukun's ugly face. Not that it's not fun, it really gives us something to do. But it's the eligible people who turn up for the job of Seishi and Miko that ticks me off.

I sit at the table, eating an apple. I like bird food, but I do not seem to get the supply lately. The general choosing was done by Taisukun. I have to say that for the past hundred years, her taste in Seishi isn't good. True, they are handsome, pretty and such, but…they are weirdos. I just want loyal people who would do anything for my miko. I think Taisukun is making fun of me.

I wince when I call in the first one. "Name?"

I get no answer. And I did not see anyone either.

"Helloo, I called for the first entrant." I leaned forward, stretching as far as I could. Then, I heard a bump.

A little boy looked up from a book, only after bumping his head when he ran into my table. The Judge's table. He was only around ten to thirteen, pink hair tied up into a short ponytail. The book he was holding is about "Advanced Calculus". I hate books like these.

"Why do you want to be a Suzaku Seishi?" I asked.

"Do you want me to join the Seiryu Seishi? Are you rejecting me? Do you hate me?" the boy asked, eyes wide and I can see he is trying not to cry. Honestly, the boy lacked self-confidence. I offered the rest of my apple to him to appease him.

Presently, he was kicking his legs nervously, while sitting on a bench. He hadn't answered my question yet. I decided not to traumatize the boy any further. I was about to reject him when he said, "I want to be a Suzaku Seishi because…I want to know a lot more about the world…I want to have friends…the miko will be my friend…will she?"

I am so relieved that he answered that I said, "She will, of course. She will."

The boy had to be in my team. His knowledge will be useful to the group. I will increase his knowledge and make him the cleverest in all the other Seishi. Of course, I can only increase if he had the talent to begin with.

"You are accepted. I will give you a symbol later. You will place it on the place you think it's best. Come here."

The boy made his way towards me. I concentrated…until Taisukun popped up and scared me. Now the boy is impaired. He could not control his knowledge anymore. "Damn you Taisukun!"

I quickly fixed the problem. However, the boy will only get to use his powers fully when he reached the acceptable age of sixteen. Sighs, what a waste.

I took an aspirin and slept. Tomorrow, I am going to take a break with Seiryu. Maybe a few quarrels would be good.

-

I decided to abolish the whole thing. Not exactly the whole thing, but the Seishi Choosing Event. It was getting on my nerves. The Seishis chosen would be reincarnated over and over again when the chosen Miko is born, until her death. Then we go through another Miko choosing again. It's much less stressful. Taisukun will not be happy. That's why I did it.

Why did she not let the Nyan Nyans heal her face? I gave them to her myself. Maybe she wants more Nyan Nyans to add to her collection, so she continued to traumatize me with her face.

I told the other gods and Taisukun. They were all happy, with the exception of the Taisukuns. I had to prevent myself from crying when they all cried. I am so full of emotions some times.

"What if I don't like the Seishi?" one of them wailed.

"Live with it." Seiryu said. For once, I am glad he was there.

-

I stationed myself at the table. I promised myself no more sloppy choosing, as this combination of souls will be reincarnated forever until the end of time. Anyway, after the book-boy, I saw a lot of people, but none had any exceptional talents. They are all freaks anyway. It just goes to say what a sadist MY Taisukun is.

I was about to bring in another one of the applicants when Seiryu burst into my room. "Roasted Chicken, you've got to help me!"

"Chilled Worm, what's wrong? And I am not Roasted Chicken!" I said. I turned to the door. "Oh."

I turned to Seiryu. "You are going to accept him?"

"NO WAY, ROASTED CHICKEN!"

There, standing there, was the child of hell. I grimaced at the evil radiating off him. "What's wrong with him, Cold Popsicle? He is very evil and good. You are the god of war, not love…"

"HE IS FROM HELL, YOU ROASTED BIRD!"

"You are as bad as he is. Hey there, you are accepted. Welcome to the Seiryu Celestial Warriors."

The boy floating in thin air blinked. Apparently, he hadn't expected to be accepted. "Really, Seiryu? You don't mind? I want to kill off the people who stand in my way!" he said, with enthusiasm. Woah, this is too much. No wonder Seiryu is scared.

"YOU IDIOTIC ROASTED BIRD! I WILL REMEMBER THIS!"

I remember I had done him a favour. That person is really ideal for war. As a plus, he can overtake other children's bodies…I find myself thinking worse than Seiryu. Maybe I will make a better Seiryu…

I have to worry for my book-boy, whom I named Chiriko. It won't do to let that demon overtake my boy. I figured that Chiriko would think of a counterattack when the time comes. He is clever, anyway.

-

I asked an entrant in.

A wine coloured haired woman glanced in. "I want to be a Suzaku Seishi."

"Why?"

"I heard that they are all handsome. I could not wait!"

I buried my face in my hands. "Ask Seiryu. His choice of Seishi is a bit…off, but still acceptable. He likes sex as much as you do."

-

I had offered to do Seiryu's love life.

His Seishi's love life, I mean.

And I am going to make everything tangled up, I swear.

-

I sat in the same table, bored as usual, shooing everyone unacceptable.

Just then, the door swung open to reveal the prettiest woman I've ever seen. Her beauty is nearly enough to make me drool. But I have to remind myself that I am a god.

The purple haired woman had closed the door hastily. I wondered why.

My answer came immediately. The banging on the door shocked me to no end. She wiped her sweat and grinned sheepishly. "They are my suitors," she explained.

"Name?"

"I've a lot of names."

I have to slaughter Taisukun for making me sit through this.

"The one you like most."

"Oh? I go by Nuriko."


	2. Another day in heaven

Thanks for the review! I thought I wasn't amusing anyone!

Disclaimer: FY don't belong to me…I sound like a broken record…

I sighed. No way am I going to take in a pretty woman into my team and distract all of my Seishi. No way.

The lady blinked. "Suzaku?" she asked, tapping my table impatiently.

It immediately broke. I managed to save my apples from falling into the Earth below, where the mortals live. I wonder what they would think of a wooden, polished table falling from the sky…maybe it would kill someone. "You are…really applying? Women do not apply unless…" I shuddered when I remembered about the wine-coloured haired woman. I think Seiryu accepted him as Soi…shows his tastes…

"Humph, I heard the Suzaku Seishi are very handsome," the lady said. I groaned. A repeat performance…great.

"Go find Sei…"

"No way! That dragon looks slimy!" she protested, balling her fists up.

I had to be cautious about her hands. "Why do you want to be a Suzaku Seishi?"

The girl shook her head. "I want to be good friends with a GIRL for once, thank you. As for protecting her, I don't know how…but I will try my best! And also, I want to be a guy in the mortal world! At least I wouldn't be chased by guys! Maybe I would fall in love with the priestess of Suzaku and also lead a nice, fulfilling life! And that would be romantic!" she said, clasping her hands together. Phew, threat over.

I blinked when I remembered what she had just said. This girl is beautiful. A guy? No, really, being a guy is cool, but being a girl is better in the world of Konan. "Girls are treated with care, you know."

"I don't care! I want to LOVE! All these people around me prevent me from finding my true love!" she motioned to the door. It hasn't stopped pounding yet.

"I can help you," I said, thinking that I am doing a good deed for nothing in particular. Really, I am honoured to have a Seishi like her, with her strength and her determination on finding love. Well, she would be really loyal as she would love ALL of them. And since she is a boy, she would not distract them, unless they are gay…I, Suzaku, do not have any objections to gays, but they must focus! Speaking of focus…

I focused on the girl. She wants to be a guy…a guy…don't divert…

Suddenly, Taisukun popped up again. And her gender turned OUT. I screamed at Taisukun, throwing my precious apple at her.

I find this totally irreversible and tried fixing it. Okay, she is now a man. And, to make things worse, she still retains those girly thoughts in her mind! I hate being the god of love when the Taisukun have more influence than him…

"Okay…I will send this unconscious…person back with a symbol and an instruction booklet…"

My, my, my…Nuriko…it is a nice name…

I have to find another apple to eat away my guilt…perhaps in the next reincarnation I would make her a full-fledged woman again. This sounds so wrong…

-

I wanted to have a talk with Taisukun. She not only failed in choosing the correct, loyal and NORMAL people, but also blots out my own work! This is totally serious. And what did she say? She had sobbed and said she did not want to have such a face…blah…blah…it is not like I haven't given her a remedy! I hate all floating people, gods and ghosts not included.

-

Seiryu had a lot of problem getting Miboshi (the child of hell, shudder) to accept his name. Miboshi is head over heels in merriment in being accepted, he had flown to Hell to celebrate his success with Hades. Of course, Seiryu refused to slither in and so he sent Soi down.

Soi had botched the job. She had sent the name to Miboshi, but she had mixed the name up with another she was supposed to meet that night for a 'bed-warming session'. Of course, the name was naughty enough to catch her attention for some time.

And Miboshi was stuck with the name, "Big Muscles."

Luckily Seiryu found out before it scars his reputation for life. He gave Miboshi his correct name and Miboshi still insists that he was "Big Muscles". It took him all day to memorize that name. It took a week for him to acknowledge he is "Miboshi". It took him another week to memorize the correct name properly.

He told me to make Soi's love life extra complicated. I did, but I made it less tragic because he had called me roasted bird again.

-

I sat in my swing, drinking my tea slowly. Genbu and Byakko were playing. Genbu had retracted into his shell while Byakko tried to claw him out. I swear, if Genbu is not careful, it would be clawed to death by Byakko. They had no worries; their Miko was already chosen and so were the Seishi.

They were gone now on their trip to summon Genbu. Byakko's miko is waiting at home as a child. I had made the Genbu no Miko love the Byakko no Miko's father. At least there would be a tie between those two.

Seiryu was not happy. He stared at the long list of people. As I know, he only got two on his Seishi group, like me. He was muttering about normal people coming for audition…I have just the opposite. Hermaphrodites, Lesbians, Gays, Pedophiles, Animals, Prostitutes, Anti-Socials… his were Murderers, Teachers, Thieves, Actors…I feel very envious.

"Blue ice cube, why don't we switch lists and Taisukun?" I suggested. He looked at my list and whooped.

"Good idea, Roasted Chicken! But no thanks to your Taisukun!"

Okay, so much for trying to get rid of her. I hope she don't find out.

-

I looked at my new list. Those who want to leave from my list could leave. I don't mind. The list, like Seiryu's is a million kilometers long.

"Knock, knock…"

"Who's there?"

I thought I heard two people.


	3. Searching Heaven

Oops, sorry if it is not humorous…but it can't be helped…unless I am happy!

Disclaimer: Nope, no one is mine…

I think I heard a scuffle outside…

The door was knocked down. It, like the table, fell into the Universe of the four gods. My apologies to the people down there - a door in pure gold is heavy, though soft…

"How dare you! You confused my brother's mind! He is composing a piece for Suzaku to hear! I shall get you for this!"

I swear I am seeing double. Two sets of twins…

"Brother, I am useless, it is not their fault…I am sorry…"

I sipped at a cup of tea. Good, let's have an argument. I can waste time and get a good night's sleep. I took out a notebook and planned Seiryu's Seishi's romances. Oh, this one would love the miko…and let's make the Hell Boy love Soi! Nope, that won't work…

"We are the best of friends! We are doing the normal bandit call and dance! It gives us luck! We are not sorry" the one with the scar retorted. Wait! They are not twins after all…that person had blue hair!

"Now, what are we going to show Suzaku? My Meteor balls are not stunning enough without your inspirational music, Aniki…You are all going to pay for this! Think of something before I run my Meteor Balls through you!"

"How would I know what to tell you, huh? I will take the easy way! I will flame you to the next world! Are you going to fight me with that? No one is going to be afraid of your yoyos!"

"Aniki, I will start the violence. No offence…I am fighting for our survival! Meteor Balls! I am going to slice you!"

"Rekka Shien!"

Unfortunately, the fiery act of violence flamed my second table, including my love notebook, into dark ashes. They were blown away in a second…all my hard work…Damn, I am going to get you for this...that Red-head…

Suddenly, two fur balls sliced though the apple I was munching on. This is getting serious. No one dares to slice my apples for nothing! "Taitsukun!"

She did not pop up. Probably, she is weeping over her disgusting face. Perhaps there is really no remedy to it…I am going to fire her someday. I mean it. Why in the world did she appear at the wrong times?

I decided to watch them fight. After all, I could get a new table and a bag of apples if I wanted. I had miraculously managed to catch my apple tea. I sat back to see the show...

…Only to see the show looking back at me. "What are you looking at?" I barked defensively. Well, to ignore others is to be ignored…

The red-head looked at me and scowled. "Who are you? I will flame you! Rekka…!" he was stopped by his twin…best friend…whatever.

I was thankful. After all, I really don't want to be fried…though Seiryu would like that. We stared… and stared… and stared… and stared at each other…

-

Seiryu was unhappy. He never was. Is being a god of war that bad? Come to think of it, I am not too happy either. The couple of twins had to be thrown out due to bad behaviour (Seiryu's rules) but if they line up again, they would get another chance. I advised one of the pair to try that dragon's selection, as they loved blue. I had never seen so much blue in my entire life. They are an eyesore.

They never realised that I am the Suzaku they wanted to please. I guess they expected Suzaku to be invisible air.

-

Ashitare – he is the dog of the three-eyed monster Miboshi. Really, I did not expect him to sign up together with his master. Figures, though – a Hell Boy accompanied by a Hell Hound. Either way, they are not going to be good…applicants for my group. I practically had to drag him to Seiryu to get him away from me. I grant wishes, but this is simply too much!

The Hell Hound demanded to be chosen, scaring that dragon out of his wits. He wanted to be human. I granted his wish and sent him on his way. "Lizard, that Hell Hound, though he is Miboshi's pet, is considered Heaven's citizens. Do you remember how he scared off Tenkou with his ferocious barks?"

Seiryu had not forgiven me since. His door now sports a sign – "No one could enter this scared place unless given permission. Genbu and Byakko can enter at will. Suzaku, you are banished from this place! I will drown you if you dared to enter! Not one step, Bird Brain!"

Figures…I had chosen for him two applicants that he did not want.

-

I had finally remembered Nuriko. It took me a long time to remember her. She attended the school meant for gods with me before. I had no idea that she would be the famous winery owner and the prettiest lady in the whole of heaven. The wine she makes is magical and sweet…and it reminded me of somebody. I ditched my long list of applicants.

I looked back. Nope, it will not be enough. I tore the list into millions of tiny pieces. Woo hoo, excuse me mortal world, it is raining pieces of paper! I stormed out of my room and put my 'Out to Lunch' signs on the door.

-

"DA, no da…DA, no da…DA, no-"

There he is. He had his ever-smiling face on. This is…the weirdest magician in the Universe of the Four Gods, albeit the most powerful. "No da, Suzaku-kun. No da."

He is playing with a spotted cat. That cat is cute, but really extremely intelligent, kind of like the dog Ashitare, but sneakier. It was known throughout heaven that this cat could steal the magical peach wine from Nuriko without her noticing. It stopped when Nuriko heard the news, however.

"What are you doing, Chichiri?" I asked.

"Nuriko told me to make sure the cat is well taken care of, no da. I am paid well for this, no da. I must be the luckiest magician in heaven, no da."

He threw the cat up in the air again, humouring it. "DA, no da…"

He clearly ignored me.

-

I decided not to scare poor Chichiri with my news. I asked Nuriko to go instead. She…he…okay, she was not so excited when she heard it. In fact, she was angry. "Look, Suzaku-sama, if you want my best friend to go down and experience pain, you are in for it, Red Bird. No more wine for you. I will tell my sister not to sell you tea either."

Honestly, I think Seiryu could make better use of the fiery winery owner than I could.

-

She told him anyway. Chichiri was not pleased. After all, who would be if they had to be torn away from the easiest, but highest paying job in the whole of heaven? I sure would not. I am jealous of him. I get the easiest job, but I get no pay. How bad is that?

Seiryu had found his best friend to become a Seishi – a shogun, a blonde general. I guessed he gave up with the list too. That general is colder than Seiryu. I am actually afraid of him. I had better steer clear of that man…perhaps I will make his love life miserable. He does not look like the type to love, though…

We sure are taking a long time putting together a group of Seishi. We are only halfway through…

-

The Taitsukuns are utterly embarrassing. They wanted a Christmas party. If Seiryu and his minions had not knocked some sense into them, they would have already made preparations. Every day in heaven is Christmas. No need to be having a party on a random day.

Unfortunately, Chiriko, Nuriko and Chichiri are supporting their idea. I had to promise them a party when the Seishi are gathered.

"Don't count me in," Seiryu growled, scowling.

-

I wake up in the morning to see my Seishi looking at me. They seemed frightened.

"Chichiri," Nuriko whispered.

"Da?"

"You've never seen him down with sickness before, did you?"


End file.
